Having a new baby is VERY exciting. Whether it’s your first or your fourth, there’s no doubt that your family and friends will want to come see your new little bundle, or expect you to be at social events and bring the new baby along. Here’s some of my best new mom advice: If you’re not up for it, it’s okay to say “no”.
New Mom Advice: A Background
Zo-zo is my first and only baby, she is the very first grand-baby on both sides of our family and she is the fist baby born in a while within my extended family. She was also born a few weeks before Christmas. These are some of the reasons as to why I was pulled in every way possible when our little lady was born. Truth be told, I wanted to be home with just her and my husband. That was all!
I describe myself as an introverted extrovert. I love going out and I’m a VERY social butterfly, however I also love to stay home and Netflix marathon a la Drake (Sweat-pants, hair-tied, chilling with no make-up on). Before having Baby, my husband and I would set up a charcuterie board, a bottle of wine chosen at random from the LCBO, and watch a movie while relaxing on the couch – we called this our “Friday Date Night”. After having Baby, we were in full on zombie-mode. We were exhausted and so sleep deprived, but loved every second of our new life with Zo-zo. We loved all the new and exciting moments that this new experience was bringing us. We loved being at home with her discovering and learning about our new little family.
It’s Okay To Say “No”
As I mentioned, our little bundle was born a few weeks before Christmas, so we had a few invites and were, of course, expected to bring baby along. People also wanted to come over and see her. I was lucky because I stayed at my parent’s home for a week after giving birth. This gave me time to heal from my c-section and help while healing and taking care of my new baby, as well as help with those that wanted to visit at my parent’s house. I had a longer than regfular stay at the hospital for a few reasons, Zoey’s weight loss after birth and my c-section, so it was beneficial that people came for short visits at the hospital; rather than receiving those visits at home which can give any mama a little extra work.
After we were home, we received invites to a few events and such which we were selective about attending. We decided to host Christmas at our place which made it much easier with our newborn, especially since I was feeding her every two hours to ensure her birth weight bounced back as it should. My husband is more of an introvert, so I’m the one that always feels the pressure to “attend all the events!”. But in this case, I knew this would not be possible. So I opted to attend a yearly Christmas event where most of my extended family gets together, and it worked out perfectly as everyone got to see Baby a few weeks after her birth.
I had to decline a few events and that was okay! Don’t feel like you have to go, or pressure to be the gal yo were before your baby. Life changes, and I believe it is more important to share those moments with your baby and your little family, rather than look good for showing up to an event that you really weren’t feeling like in the first place. People need to understand that mamas need time to heal and bounce back after birth; for some that takes a few hours, other a few days or for other it’s a few weeks. It might also not be about bouncing back, you may feel great but just want to be home with your baby and your partner, no one else, and that’s okay too. You do you, mama!
Tips For Giving You & Your New Baby Time
- Don’t announce your baby’s birth right away. I went on for my scheduled c-section but only told the family I wanted there with me that day; no one else.
- Mention to your loved ones not to share there birth of the baby on social media, or with others, until you have done so. We asked this of our family and were so glad everyone respected this. It gave us the full first day to spend it with our closest family that were invited to the hospital and our new baby.
- Do not announce which hospital you are going to be at. This will keep those that think it’s okay to just show up – because some people think this is okay! *eye roll*
- Disconnect. Turn your phone off. Let your close family know they can contact your partner if they need to get a hold of you. Give yourself time, sans regrets!
- Most importantly of all, kindly say “No”. People should understand if you tell them you’re tired, are still getting used to the routine, trying to stay on schedule, or need some time to heal.
No is not a bad word. It is not wrong to say, “Maybe some other time”. Do not feel obliged to attend. Family and friends have the best of intentions when they it comes to seeing your baby and I know I appreciated everyone who took the time to visit us. But you have to remember, there will be so many more opportunities to socialize or for people to see your baby. Remember, you only get that day with your baby once and if on that particular day you’re feeling like staying home and cuddling your baby then do that. Babies grow so incredibly fast and each and every day is so precious with them. Enjoy it all to the fullest.